Ptosis and Me

 omo, ẹ shock me. My mouth just gaped, trying to understand the pattern of thought…like what did he think happened to me? I fell against a tree and a branch stuck in my sockets causing severe trauma? Oh well 

By now, the droop was worse; about 3/4 gone. And it gave me a queer look anytime i laughed. I have a hearty laugh whenever i laugh to my heart’s content, making me lose guard. It took a while for me to understand that my right eye was compensating for the left; meaning it was opening up beyond its capacity, in order to ensble me balance my vision and have something close to a proper sight. So whenever i laugh for example, my left lid shuts down completely while my right lid doubles up.

I hated more than half of my wedding lhotos. I was excited, which meant a lot of smiles abd laughs…which meant a lot of queer looking pictures. Id told my photographer to capture me only from the side (in which case you would have nothing to compare the problematic eye with), but he conveniently forgot. I didn’t use thise pictures.

What made it worse? Id said I wasnt going to use a makeup artist, it was aafe for me to make myself up because i understood the layout. Some of my husband’s friends however insisted, and that they would cover the cost. I explained my peculiarity to her and djring the test run, we agreed not to use false lashes.

On my wedding day however, she said she specially got a light weight lash and that there wouldn’t be a problem. Against my better judgement, i succumbed.

Before the event even started at all, my eye was 85% shut (oh. My husband came late . I waited for him for about an hour and a half). You can then imagine what i looked like when it was time for proper photographs. My lid felt super heavy and i had to use a finger to lift it for me to see at all with the eye. I eventually yanked them off but it was too late, my sight didnt improve for days.

My workload doubled up sometime in 2018 and my screentime increased, giving more burden to the lid but the irritations had piped down.

By this time, i had a regular 70% loss of visuals on a normal day (worse when i was ill or stressed). Whenever i saw people staring, id make a joke about it being a half moon eye. And oh, people did stare (because now, it was very visible). It was more uncomfortable when kids ask innocently “what happened to your eye”.

There was a time my daughter described me to her friends in school when someone bullied her; she said her mom is so tough and would put them all straight; mummy is so tough that her eye alone will scare you. When asked to explain, apparently she was referding to my droop. Whenever i had exgreme moods, the eye goes down competely and i guess it got scary.

By 2019, my brother and Pastor started having concerns about the eye; like he could imbibe my pain. He tried severally to convince me to get it checked out but i always maintained i was fine. Looking back, i think i was tired of disappointments and rejection. Later, his brother, a Doctor also started to get worried and they advised me to visit UCH. The mention of UCH worsened their case…lailai

My dad had a cataract removal done in 2020 with a renowned Doctor, so I used the opportunity to present myself to her. She was initially fascinated but upoj getting my history, for some reason, she decided against taking it up. In her words, she had devoted a lot into building a legacy for herself, she has no need for ‘heroic surgeries’ anymore. Her words rang clear, making me understand it was a complicated surgery, and would later inform my adamance and resolve to leave the eye be.

My dad departed this side of eternity in 2021 before he could get a chance to enjoy his brand new sight and while we mourned him, my vision impairment became more noticable. Both Doctor Saul and Pastor Adeyinka Adeleke got on my case again, to get the eye fixed especially since driving was becoming a hazard (hence i stopped driving long distances. My blind spot was poor).

A friend approached me about an alternative medicine. Apparently there was a man who could treat any eye problem with ease. She said patients got reffered to this man from UCH, especially if Doctors could not get to the root of the ailment. Her mother in law had been treated by this man, and she even got the mother in law to speak with me.

Off we went to see this baba, my husband and i! Consultation fee was 50 grand (when you are desperate, you become vulnerable). We paid.

Laslas sha, bàbà poured something worse than alligator pepper in my eye, directly under the eyelid and rubbed it hard together. Till date, its one of the worst pain i have ever experienced. I screamed, i wailed, he held the lid down. Whatever the stuff was, it was spicy and spikey. Baba sha gave verdict that kòkòrò Don chop onetin onetin for the eye and that the left eye was a gunner. But that he could sense that the kòkòrò was beginning to migrate to the right eye and that his mission would be to prevent the loss of sight in the right eye. He gave me one honey to lick twice daily like prescription. I must not use spoon, i must use my forefinger in a circular motion (like that also had something to do with the prescription). I adhered to everything to the letter, and i was hopeful…afterall i had a testimonial. Two weeks later, we returned for a follow up appointmnet…loro kan sha, till date, bàbà Don disappear .

The particular day i was there, he had no less than 20 clients. Multiply that by 50k consultation fee; that was a big cash out.

My work intensified again in 2022. I was advised to slow down but work just kept piling up, 24 hours wasn’t enough and most of it was spent on screen. My sight deteriorated and the lid closure went to about 90%. I was advised to slow down, i kept promising myself i would slow down next day…but tomorrow just never came.

And then I found myself in 2023 with even more work. And my vision deteriorated even more. 

Now, i could not see anything in my left eye without manually lifting the lid. When talking to people, i would unconsciously lift the lid with a finger all through conversation, and gently massage the lid (which had absolutely no effect).

Often time, i would think to myself that I would likely go blind by the age of 70. And the reason was simple. Id almost completely lost sight in one eye but my workload never slowed down but rather increased. Which means i was stressing the only valid eye by making it do the work of two eyes. I thought of it like an overused battery, the second one would burn out in half the time because of the workload.

And for this reason, i started go rush. If i would go blind by 70, let me be sure that i can boldly say that it was for a good cause that darkness came…let me be able to show something for it.