My Latest Pain
Iyalode's Story
A few minutes ago, i pondered on whether i had regrets about the procedure i underwent?
My response over and over has been a solid NO!
Every decision taken by man in life is about risks. We take risks every day, whether we identify with it or not.
Hard as it is to believe, i was in shock to notice the droop on my lid. Hooping it was a temporary issue, I went about my day and the next coupld of days without allowing myself get too worried but obviously now i was self conscious.
Days turned into weeks and then months, and the eyelid never went back up. Instead, i started getting regular irritations in the eye, to the extent that the eye became the surest tell tale sign to know if I was tired or feeling sick; it would just droop some more.
Curious, I started checking my undergraduate pictures, hoping to get reassurance that it was a recent occurrence. Unfortunately, however, the first glimpse of my droop, as revealed in pictures, showed it dated as far back as 2003. How i managed to miss it for two good years, I wouldn’t know.
My vision worsened.
I was prescribed another pair of glasses. My eyes started to feel heavy and then the droop became worse. I also had more frequent irritations and several expensive eye drops were prescribed, including some tiny pills whose name or brand I cannot remember anymore.
I knew the glasses weren’t helping. but i had to trust the professionals.
I became friends with a lovely Doctor sometime in 2006 (Grace?). Ome, look at the eye, and she said, Oh, it’s Ptosis.
Ok, so we had a name for it! Great! How about a cure? 
She said there was no cure; i would just have to manage it. I could massage the eyelid frequently, however, to give the muscle some strength. That never happened!
Armed with a name, I could read up all about the situation, which i did. So, apparently, our eyelids have some elastic muscles that allow them open or shut according to need. kind of like a spring or rubber (layman explanation, yea?).
The summary is that that muscle became slack and thus couldn’t totally hold (or snap) the weight of the eyelid back all the way up in my wake-up hours.
Am i in pains right now? YES! Maddening pain 🤣
Do i fear losing sight on this eye? YES! Every now and then, it pops in as a fear.
Do i regret taking the decision to undergo the eye procedure? ABSOLUTELY NOT!
The pain i feel right now is totally worth the hope of having full vision—something i no longer have a recollection of how it feels.
My first procedure happened on friday, October 20, 2023 (full story later) and though i thought that was painful… The second procedure is way more painful; it actually makes the first one seem like child’s play.
A few days later, despite some complication, i got a shocker! I looked at my mom in disbelief and said, ‘i never knew I was living a sub-optimum life’
I had no recollection of what to compare regular vision against! Even with the blurb protruding from my eye, i felt like i had a better quality of life than I had in well over 20 years!
And that gave me an insight into what people say: that they would trade anything for just a day of xyz (whatever the solution to their unique problem is).
In essence, the fact that I could see clearlyer than i ever did in 20 years, even with the protrusion… I wouldn’t trade that for anything! So, if i had a chance, knowing how painful this procedure is, would i refuse to do it? HECK NO! I’d do it over and over again 🤣
My daughter, 8, looked at me in awe when i finally allowed them see me (about 10 days post-first surgery), and after the initial shock of seeing the bloat, I exclaimed, “how did your eye get opened!” I laughed and asked how she noticed. And then i told her the story about the surgery and how having access to the Doctor was a miracle, and she said, “you are a big threat to society now! You were really dangerous. Imagine driving and putting everyone else on the road at risk. God bless the Doctor o’
I remember vividly that the last time i had the eye checked out in the UK, the Doctor laid down some pros and cons. They actually dont like messing with eye muscles and nerves because ‘they are tiny’. And this particular case could go eithet way: my lid could open up too much, making the healthy eye look like the affected eye; or the eye would now close totally, making the issue worse.
She said something interesting: she said if i could still see, it means the surgery was merely cosmetic and i could live without it. She added that when there comes a time where I have nothing to lose, it might be worth looking into.
Despite that, i was put on the list for the surgery but three times, it got cancelled ranging from excuses such as a holiday, to the Doctor having a hangover. Lol.
By the third time, i concluded i wasnt meant to have it.
The day however did arrive when i had nothing to lose. Sight on the eye was almost non existent and glasses did little to help. There were numerous allergies and varying levels of discomfort. I got to a point where I was actually afraid that i would go totally blind before i clocked 70. The logic was simple: id lost sight in one eye and now put too much pressue on the one healthy eye (most of my work being with screens). So I felt i was reducing the shelf life of the healthy eye! But the level of work i was doing couldn’t slow down. Rather it increased.
So i did a soul search and told myself that if i ran the risk of losing my sight by 60/70, id better make it count! Which meant work intensified. It felt like i was on the clock…I actually was.
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Fast track to today.
The second procedure was performed on the 2nd November 2023, to correct a protruding tissue; it involved tucking the tissue back into place, and sewing my lids shut 🤦🏽♀️. There were other visits to the hospital that involved varyijg degrees of poking o!
When Prof. told me on monday 1st November that we would need a follow up procedure, I wept within me. I didn’t fear the blade as much as i feared the initial injection for the local anastasia. I was petrified.
I asked him to walk me through the procedure, and that did little to calm my nerves. But ive grown to a point in life where i know that pain is synonymous with living. I wanted a better quality of life than ive had for over 20 years and the price to pay for that was pain.
Two injections were administered to my upper and lower lid, after which the tissue was tucked back in and my lids sewn together. I held my palms in each other so tight that my nails injured my flesh.
It’s day 3, and the pain is as fresh as day 1; but if asked whether i have regrets, the answer remains no! The little vision i experienced for a brief 4-5 days is worth sacrificing to experience more of!
Through the pain, i hold on to the hope of the beauty that lies ahead in the nect few days!
Ive been through varying degrees of pain, some more long lasting than others; and one thing remains sure through all of those experiences- only TIME can heal all of these pain!
It does help tí have love to ease the pressures, and make the wait more bearable, but ultimately, its not the drugs…it is time that heal the pain. When the pain is at its peak, it feels like nithing worse can happen. Sometimes it feels like death would be a better choice. It feels like the lain would never end, no matter what anyoome says but hey! It heals! Time has the elixr to heal pains. Time is synonymous with patience. Abd patience is one of the hardest things to possess as a human.
My name is Temitope Adelakun, a.k a The Iyalode of Ibadan Business Hub. This poece was writted in a place of deep pains, but wirh the brightest hope that the pain will pass, and a better life will arise. I look forward to that life, i look forward to living a fulfiled life without the nagging fear of going blind while i live.
Cheers to the good life.
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